In the here and now…

I remember when I was a little girl people always asking me "what do you want to be when you grow up"? I don't think I was unique in remembering all of these kinds of questions… "where do you want to go to college", "How many kids do you want to have", "who do you want to marry"? I can remember being very young when my responses started being, "A lawyer", "somewhere like Harvard", "I don't want to have kids", "I want to marry a guy like Kurt Cobain".

I did have my Kurt Cobain boyfriend in about 1996; his name was Erik. He had blond hair like Kurt, played the guitar like Kurt, and even wore a Kurt Cobain t-shirt. This boyfriend was more of a casual relationship, but however short it was it had a profound impact on me. He was going through an "existential phase" (as his parents called it) and I remember him always saying to me- "Jaime, time is short, life is long". In my 19 year old psyche this was super profound. I wrote it down and said it to myself many many times until I understood what he was trying to tell me. After I finally got it, I wrote in my own quote next to his in my journal "The experiences we have had through the circles of life are both priceless and irreplaceable".

What I learned from Erik is this: My experiences allow me to know myself and if I'm present I can enjoy the moments as they occur.

I have given myself permission to not worry about pleasing other people or having the right answers to those ridiculously crazy questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up", "How many kids do you want to have", or "where do you see yourself in 10 years".

I think I learn more from teaching my classes than my students do. Right now I'm teaching Interpersonal Effectiveness and these past 3 units have gone through "Why do we need Interpersonal Skills"?, "Self-Disclosure", and now "Trust". One of the most pervasive themes throughout the entire course is how important living in the present is to strong interpersonal skills; being time-competent allows us to know ourselves and therefore, know each other. If we don't like something about ourselves we can change it, but we cannot change other people. If you do not trust yourself, how can you trust others? We live in the moment by being in the moment; trusting in ourselves and having confidence.

My message for today is to enjoy today. Do not drag around baggage from the past, do not live life in the future. The only life we have is happening today. Or as Erik would say (forever in my mind as a 21 year old artist wearing a Kurt Cobain t-shirt) "Life is long, Time is short".